Letters To Merlin
by McDiggin'It
Summary: A series of letters that Morgana writes to her husband over the years they've been married. MERGANA!


Title: Letters to Merlin

Summary: A series of letters that Morgana writes to her husband over the years they've been married. MERGANA!

A/N: According to the polls on my profile, "Outdrink Me" has the most votes, but I'm also counting votes from reviews and PM's, and therefore, "Letters To Merlin" has the most votes. But I'll be posting "Outdrink Me" and then "Trust Me" after I post the epilogue for "Relentless". Thank you so much for reading, guys. Extra special thanks and loves, and unicorns, rainbows, and marshmallows for those who reviewed my other stories. You guys are the reason why I'm still writing MERGANA even though the whole Merlin ship is sinking. R&R!

-McDiggin'It

…

Merlin and Morgana have been married for 6 years. Their bond is stronger than any force in this world. Mind you, they've been mortal enemies before, so their relationship isn't exactly perfect. In fact, there have been times when they wouldn't speak to each other for days. Their longest silent agreement lasted nearly a month before Arthur decided to lock them both in a single room in the castle where their magic is of no use, so they could make amends. A room designed by Merlin himself, to contain sorcerers who've tried to invade Camelot. Merlin and Morgana spent a mere 20 minutes in the room before they made up rather… loudly. Needless to say, Arthur was scarred for life, and he vowed to never lock the two up in that room ever again.

No matter what their problems were, Merlin and Morgana always found their way back to each other at some point.

But ever since that day, Morgana decided that when she can't actually say anything to her husband without castrating him, she'll write little letters to him. It was her way of conveying her actual feelings towards him without actually speaking to him. Merlin would find her note, and then go out looking for her, finding her, and again, making up with her. No one was safe from the couples public display of affections.

Merlin remembers the first time Morgana ever left a note for him. It was the morning after their argument over Merlin's lack of preservation of his own life. The man had a death wish. He woke up to find his wife's side of the bed empty, and a parchment with his name on it laying beside him. The letter went like this:

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _You are an idiot. A stupid idiot. A stupid idiot with a death wish. Why must you keep throwing yourself in front of danger? Do you not want to spend forever with me? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Is that it? Because if it is, let me know, and I'll grant your wish for you…_

Merlin chuckled at that. She's so dramatic.

 _…I know you're laughing right now, but it's not funny._

Huh. She really knows him too well.

 _It's the opposite of funny. I worry about you every single time that you're not with me. I'm not saying I can protect you better, but at least when we're together, our magic is unstoppable. You like going on these stupid trips with Arthur, and though I worry about the both of you, I must be honest and tell you that your death would affect me more than Arthurs. You're the one that I vowed to love and spend the rest of my life with. You're the one who makes me happy. You're the one who I will have children with someday. I love you, Merlin. And if that means anything to you, if you love me back as much as I love you, you'll stop being an idiot and start being more careful. The next time you go on a trip, you'll let me come with you. Otherwise, you're staying home with me._

 _Love, your angry wife._

Merlin had searched for her and found her in the Royal Garden that day. They barely made it back to their room before Merlin had Morgana's clothes on the floor, and his mouth on hers. Needless to say, their first son was conceived that day. Speaking of which, the night Morgana gave birth to their beautiful baby boy James William Emrys, she wrote him a slightly shorter note afterwards.

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _I hate you… Okay, I don't actually hate you, but I really want to. The pain I felt today, pushing our baby boy out, was probably the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my entire life. We are never having sex again because if you get me pregnant again, I am not pushing it out of me. You'll have to cut the baby out of me and kill me in the process because today was not fun. I love you and our baby, but I am NOT going through that again._

 _Love, your non pregnant wife._

After Merlin found and read the letter, he had laughed at the absurdity of it's contents. No more sex? That's ridiculous. They didn't make love that night because Gaius cautioned against it, but Merlin held his wife in his arms while their newborn son slept peacefully in his little bassinet beside their bed. Nearly three weeks later, Gaius informed them that it was safe to engage in sexual activities again, and the young couple wasted no time in 'making up'.

A year and four months later, Morgana found out that she was pregnant again. Surprisingly enough, she was ecstatic about it, despite the contents of her letter after James was born. So she writes another letter to her husband:

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm sure. Gaius confirmed it this morning. And no, I'm not angry. As a matter of fact, I'm really happy and excited about it. I hope it will be a girl this time. A girl with your eyes since James has mine. But if it's a boy, I'll be happy as well. I love you and our babies so much. Thank you, my love. Thank you for James, and for our new baby. But mostly, thank you for being such a wonderful father, despite growing up without one. I really hope you're happy with this news._

 _Love, your pregnant wife._

When Merlin read the letter, he cried out of happiness before pulling his wife into his arms and kissing her greedily. That night, he rested his head by Morgana's naked hip and began talking to her stomach. Morgana watched him tell the baby growing in her stomach that he or she will always be loved, and she had shed tears of love for her husband.

Eight months later, Morgana found herself screaming at everyone in the delivery room to find her husband. Merlin was almost too late when he barged into the room and rushed to his wife's side. After screaming at him to explain where the hell he'd been, Morgana finally pushed out their first baby girl. She weighed 7lbs 3oz.s, 18inches long, had a full head of jet black hair, and absolutely beautiful with her fathers eyes. They named her Violet.

Merlin then got ushered out by Gaius to take a bath before touching the baby girl, and Morgana wrote a letter to her husband.

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _I'm so in love with our Violet already. It feels exactly the same way I felt when I held James in my arms for the first time. Thank you for the both of them. Sleepless nights and endless napkin changes don't even matter to me. All that matters is that I have all three of you by my side. I love you. All of you._

 _Love, your happy wife._

Three weeks later, Merlin and Morgana basically repeated what had been done over a year ago, except this time, they got interrupted by their hungry daughter. As Morgana fed their baby girl, Merlin decided to go for a walk to relieve some of the tension in his… well, you know.

By morning the next day, Merlin still hadn't returned, and Morgana practically forced Arthur to send an Army out to find her husband and the father of her children. Two days passed, and there was not a single sign of Merlin anywhere. Morgana was so consumed with worry, the Queen Gwen had to step in and assist with the kids. It was 4 days after that when they finally received word from Astolat, demanding a ransom for Merlin. But then Merlin returned on his own, bloodied and bruised, a mere day after the letter from Astolat was received. He explained being knocked out and then waking up in a dungeon where he couldn't use his magic, and then being tortured before he was able to trick the guard into taking him to speak to the King, which in turn, allowed him to use his magic to escape, and then calling on Kilgharrah for an escort back to Camelot. And thus, Merlin found another letter from his wife, sitting in the middle of their bed while she fed Violet in the next chambers.

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _In all my existence, I've never been as scared as I was when I realized that you never came back from your walk. I fell asleep thinking that you were simply taking a long walk, and when we received the letter from Astolat, I couldn't help thinking that I should've came looking for you that night. I was so scared that you were dead or something. I was scared that I would never get to see your face again. I was scared that our kids would grow up without their father. That they would never get to know the amazing man you are. I was especially scared that I hadn't told you how much I loved you that night. I know we have no control over what happens outside of our family, but please don't ever disappear like that again. I love you, Merlin. Always._

 _Love, your worried wife._

His heart expanded with love for his wife as he held her through the night, wiped her tears away, and kissed her like his life depended on it. That night, they took their time reacquainting themselves with each other after a week apart.

Not even a week later, Morgana and Merlin were back to being the most lovey dovey- slash- dramatic couple in the history of couples.

They had a particularly nasty fight about the new knight Kuran, who kept going out of his way to speak to Morgana. Morgana had assured Merlin that Kuran was just being polite and that the knight means nothing to her, but Merlin was convinced that Kuran had other motives. In the weeks that followed, Merlin turned out to be right about Kuran's intentions towards Morgana, when the knight had left a rose and a letter containing a poem about his feelings for Morgana, in front of Merlin and Morgana's chambers. Morgana had immediately told Merlin, not wanting there to be any reason for him to doubt her. A fight ensued between Merlin and Kuran, and of course, Merlin won easily with his magic. Arthur, furious at the Knight for even having the audacity to pursue his sister and best friend's wife, banished Kuran from Camelot, and the former knight was never heard from again.

Morgana had written another letter the night after Merlin and Kuran's fight, knowing that he'd want to know how she's feeling about everything.

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _I'm going to start off this letter with an apology, but don't get bigheaded about it. I'm sorry I never listened to you when you tried to warn me about Kuran's intentions. You were right. I honestly had no idea what he was trying to do. Also, I want you to know that you should never worry when I speak to a man who isn't you, whether he be a servant, a knight, a Lord, a Duke, a King or anything else. I only have eyes for you, and you alone, Merlin. I married you because I live for you, and cannot live without you. I love you so much, it's ridiculous, Merlin. And as a matter of fact, I believe I'm the one who should be worried about you. I've seen those devious court ladies swooning, lusting, and drooling after you, and I swear I saw one of them sniffing your hair during a feast last week. I should be angry, but I know and trust you. I also have nothing to be jealous about, because it is I who spends every night in our bed, making love to you in every which way. It is I, who gets to see and love every part of you. It is I, who you will spend forever with, and not those man-eating wenches. So to end this letter, I want you to know that I love and trust you with every beat of my heart, and I know you do the same._

 _Love, your apologetic, trustworthy, and instinctively worried wife._

Merlin had spent that night, showing his wife exactly how much he loves and trusts her. Needless to say, Morgana's instinctive worries over the 'man-eating wenches' had died away that very night.

A few weeks later, Merlin and Arthur gathered up the Knights and the army, marching out of Camelot to wage war against the Kingdom of Astolat for their violent opposition of magic. They had tried for a peace treaty, but Astolat stood firm in their hatred for magic. It was odd, looking in from the outside at something Uther Pendragon used to do.

Morgana and Gwen had of course opposed the war at first, but soon enough, they began to see that Astolat would not back down, going as far as taunting Camelot by sending the heads of every sorcerer they've executed.

The King and Warlock stood firm at the frontline of battle, determined to bring down Astolat, while their wives stayed back in Camelot to hold down the fort and watch their children.

The war waged on for weeks, until exactly 2 months later, Morgana and Gwen finally received word of Camelot's victory.

The day they were set to arrive home from war, Morgana wrote a letter to her husband, and hid it under his pillow. The same pillow she had clung to dearly and cried herself to sleep on for the past couple of weeks while her husband was away.

Arthur came back with a broken arm, a few broken ribs, and missing a pinky finger. Merlin however, came back with mere flesh wounds and a broken wrist, but he was different somehow. He of course greeted his wife and children with hugs and kisses, but quickly disappeared afterwards. Morgana spent the whole day searching for him, and finally found him at the top of the North tower, sobbing with his head in his hands. She said nothing as she wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him into her chest, kissing his hair and crying with him. Merlin clung to her desperately as he cried.

When he finally pulled away, he told her what he saw, what he witnessed when Camelot's army had finally managed to get past Astolat's defenses and city walls. So many bodies of innocent druid men, women, and children, littering the streets of Astolat. He told her of his rage as he murdered the King of Astolat and his family. All of them. His power had rained from the sky in lightning and fire, setting the entire Kingdom ablaze within minutes. Camelot won the war, but Merlin lost the battle.

"I lost the battle between good and evil."

Morgana had shushed him and kissed him, shaking her head to him. She assured him that he did what needed to be done. That he saved Arthur and everyone, including their family. There was no telling whether Astolat would've tried to kill them all later in the future if he hadn't stopped them. Merlin only nodded and laid his head in her lap as she soothingly ran her fingers through his hair. He fell asleep that way, and so did Morgana. When she awoke the next morning, she was back in their chambers, and Merlin was nowhere to be found.

They carried on like that for weeks, Merlin barely sleeping, barely speaking, barely eating, barely there for her or their children. They haven't made love since he's been back. He shows up when he's needed, helps out where he can, and then disappears for the remainder of the day.

That is, until Merlin entered their chambers one night, and found his wife bawling on the floor, her hair curtaining her face. His heart broke as he scooped her up in his arms, carried her to their bed and held her as she hit him in the chest repeatedly and yelled at him, begging him to come back to her. She did this for a while until she fell asleep.

Merlin continued to hold her, and in pulling his pillow in closer to hers, he found Morgana's letter. This one, the longest one ever.

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _I miss you so much, it hurts. These past couple of weeks have been the worst. I feel so restless and exhausted at the same time. It's like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, not knowing whether you're okay or not. I hate not knowing what's going on. Every morning and night, I pray to everything and anything that can hear me, that you will return safely. I've been so lonely without you, and I simply cannot wait for your safe return. Merlin, I cannot live, cannot go on without you. Just knowing that you're out there, fighting a war for the safety of our family and home, makes my heart ache. These past couple of weeks have made me realize that you are my life source. Without you, I am not living. Without you, I am but an empty shell, waiting for your return to fill me. All I want and need, all I'll ever want and need, is for you to come back to me. I love you so much, Merlin._

 _Love, your lonely wife._

Merlin cried silently as he folded up his wife's letter and placed it inside the box under their bed with the rest of Morgana's other letters. He continued to cry, hating himself for letting his guilt and shame get in the way of his love for his wife and family. As he kissed his wife's forehead, he vowed to himself that he would never ever hurt his wife in such a way, and held her tightly in his arms for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Morgana woke up to her husband kneeling by their bed with a tray of breakfast, his eyes filled with tears and his smile apologetic. Merlin then apologized and begged for her forgiveness. She immediately forgave him, and the couple shared their breakfast before they finally, _finally_ made love, rediscovering their bodies all over again.

A year passed since, with only a few letters here and there... until today. Today is their seventh marriage anniversary, and Morgana feels the need to write a letter. She begins as she always does.

 _Dear Merlin,_

 _Today is a special day. It is a little after noon, and you're outside at the moment, giving another lesson on magic to James and Violet. Today will mark six amazing years of marriage between us. It has been quite an adventure with you. We've had our ups and downs, we've fought and made up about a million times, and we've had our fair share of tears and heartache... but I can honestly say without a doubt that I wouldn't change a single thing. Except maybe James' name, for your son just refuses to stop referring to himself as 'James the Tame'. I honestly have no clue what that even means. But I blame you for over praising him when he 'tamed' Kilgharrah without inheriting his Dragonlord powers. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you. Thank you so much for these past six wonderful years, and I cannot wait to see what's in store for the rest of our lives together. I love you, Merlin. I've loved you from the moment you decided not to give up on me. And I will continue to love you until my dying breath._

 _Love, your Morgana_

 _P.S. I'm pregnant again!_

Merlin and Morgana continue to love and fight with each other for years and years to come. They continue to grow and change together, but two things always remained. Their undying love for one another, and their go-to problem solver- Morgana's letters to Merlin.

...

The End

...

A/N: This was a little bit of everything. A story in one chapter. So what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Thanks for reading, guys! I'll be posting the epilogue chapter of "Relentless" next!

-McDiggin'It


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